New Years Eve 2012... I welcome you 2013

I am so encouraged and excited about what is to come in the New Year!! This year has taught me a lot about what I can do and how powerful my thoughts and spirit is. I am excited about the year will bring...
The day started off with packing and getting ready for my move. In a twist of fate, I realized that I didn't have packing paper =/... (off to the store I go...). This may seem like something easy to forget for most but I've been moving every few years since I was born so forgetting packing paper is like forgetting your roots... 
But alas... it did happen. So off to Home Depot I went at the crack of dawn like some kind of rooster. 
So after this excursion to Home Depot, I finally had everything I needed to pack my life and ship it to L.A. ... I can't believe I am finally doing it big and moving to a big city... It is nerve wracking for a small town girl that has always relied on her family to fully relying on herself... creating a completely new life. I can't wait to see how it all turns out. 
This new years I am going to make sure that I leave behind all my regrets in life and remain focused on all that life has in store for me. At this young age I just want to finally life a joyful and fulfilled life. 
I have often thought to myself that tough beginnings.
Several exciting things happened today. 
Today I finally incorporated my business. 
Today I am filled with gratitude for the New Year.
Today I didn't get saddened by the loss of my Sister, but I am finally at peace with it.
Today I am truly Alive.

Finding My Purpose

It was during my senior year of high school that I realized that, unlike most of my peers, I did not even have an inclination of what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. As the year progressed, I grew more and more distraught about my prospects in university, as I did not want to make the wrong choices. I decided that I will choose a career based on the subjects that I achieved the best grades in. This plan made me so ecstatic because I felt like I had found an ultimate solution to what I thought, at the time, was a major problem. By the middle of the second semester, the flaws of my “plan” became imminent because I had managed to achieve my highest GPA’s in both Mathematics and Western World History. There were very few fields that I could visualize incorporating both Mathematics and Western World History. At this time in my high school career I was no longer distraught. I was panicking.

“What was wrong with me?” I would ask. “Aren’t I supposed to know what I want to be by now?” The constant uneasiness I felt whenever I thought about not knowing what I want to do with the rest of my life was heightened by guidance counselors constantly coming to our class rooms and passing out “helpful” literature on the process of getting into university. The main focus of the guidance counselors were our GPA’s or our athletic abilities. None of this advice helped me because I had already tried using my GPA to determine what would be the best sector for me to set goals for, and I had never taken the time to master a sport during high school so I could not even hope to attend university on the basis of being an athlete.

This continued to frustrate me to a point were I was having difficulty sleeping at night. It was not until February 2, 2005 while I was sitting on my bed doing a calculus problem that I heard a radio advertisement for an open call for aspiring models and actors. At first I ignored the advert and continued the mind numbing calculus problem because I felt that acting and modeling were never careers that I have aspired to. However, after I had successfully completed the math lying on my lap, it occurred to me that I really did not enjoy doing it. I quickly dashed to my back pack and searched for a pen to hurriedly scribble down any information about the location and the time the open call would be held. The next day my mother and I set out in a beat-up old Ford (nicknamed the Limousine) to an open call that completely changed the direction of my life.

I had never thought of becoming an actress or a model until that time, but I knew that I need to drastically change my approach to finding my future career in order to make the right decisions about the courses that I would take in university. Because of the open call I recognized that I loved acting. This is not to say that I was actually considering becoming an actress, but I finally started asking myself a new question “What do I love doing?” Just because I am capable of doing algebra or writing a historical essay does not mean that I love doing either. This epiphany made me aware that I could not attend university and pay ghastly tuition fees until I figured out what it is I intend to do with the rest of my life. So instead of hastily going to university, I took the year to determine what I would enjoy doing for the rest of my life, whilst continuing to pursue acting part time.

After months of compiling various lists of pros and cons of each possible career field that I may be interested in, it all came together nearing the end of my academic hiatus. I realized that I love giving people advice and helping them to the best of my ability, so naturally I should become a Psychologist (... and then later an Accountant by day and Beauty Consultant by night...). I had not only found my career path, I had found my career "start". I felt tremendously at ease with what the future would hold, because I was no longer searching for what I was meant to do, all that was left for me was to do it.

To this day, I reflect on that open call, and I am really grateful that I took that chance and stepped outside of academically inclined career path to realize out my purpose in life. And that was to Live It.

Alias/Gilmore Girls/OC

I was really disappointed the the season premier of ALIAS. I thought that the episode contained a lot of drama that was not portrayed well by the characters. I really hoped for better from Mrs. Garner Affleck. I won't tell you what happened in case you are a fan and don't want me to wreck it for you. I really wish that I could have watched the fourth season to see what the hell is going on.
Likewise, I'm also upset with Gilmore Girls. The drama didn't disappoint me. They just never expressed the time lapse very well. I finally get where they are, but they should have made it clearer that two months had gone by in between the first two shows.
I've never like the OC and the second episode that I watched confirmed my dislike. I decided that I will watch the season premier. It really sucked- Mishca Baron can't act and the portrayal of bimbonic Cali students is over done. The only reason to watch the OC is for the eye candy and that's it, otherwise the drama is fake and the leading lady can't act well.
I am liking the new show Reunion and Related. Everyone should check those out if they have a spare moment.
Other than that, there's nothing more to say except, have a great day!!

Post Office Disaster

I dashed into the Post office, in a terrible hurry to mail my letters, and then I pause. I pause in shock of the 100 Ft line in front of me. There were hundreds, nay millions, of people lined up in a queue, trying to get the postage stuff out of their way [Well, there weren't really that many people, but the line was frickin' long]. I took my place at the back of the disgustingly long queue, and then with a defeated sigh, I proceeded to wait until I reached the front desk. To ease my boredom, I began practicing some of my tap-dancing steps, but quickly stopped when my follow patrons gave me awkward glances. And so I waited. Post masters came and went, but I was still in line. As the line moved forward painfully slow, I noticed one of the reasons for my hold up. Some buffoon decided that he was going to mail off 6 boxes [that's right, boxes!] filled to the brim with letters and packages. He had like 700 hundred packages and letters- stupid idiot. If you're going to do something like that, then you should come earlier in the morning when the post office is not in 'rush hour'. Some of the post masters didn't even get to go for a break. I saw one of them trying to wolf down his lunch well opening another window at the front desk. Behold! The line moved! And then there were only 3 people standing b/t me and the front desk. Anxiously I waited. But no, the lady directly before my had a humongous package that had to be weighed at different angles and then all the measurements had to be tallied- yada, yada, yada. At last she was done and I came up next only to realize that one of my bloody envelopes had the wrong stamp and I had to wait 10 mins for the one of the post masters to find the right ones. "Crap, Crap, Crap! "was all that went through my head. Finally she came back, and with my letters mailed off, I was free! Free to once again walk outside away from the confines of that terrible line! I was free! Free and euphoric with the knowledge that I had mailed the letters to the agents and my I will soon have my SSN.  
Tune in next week when I rambles randomly about everything and nothing....

It is Right to Write

I don't know where I came up with that- 'it is right to write'. I think that I heard it somewhere because I sure as hell don't think that I made that one up-lol. Anyhoo, last night when I was feeling rather sorry for myself, I realized that I don't have the right to feel sorry for myself. I don't need sympathy, I need to get my ass in gear and make my goals become a reality. It is not written any where that I have to have the 'perfect' family. There is no such thing as the 'perfect' family. I just need to make myself the best person that I can be and nothing matters after that. I felt good with that. I woke up, ate breakfast, and now I'm going to get started on sorting out my bank info myself; no more relying on other people. As much as possible it's time that I make myself the independent person that I want to be. I don't care what other people have done to me, I will not stumble and I absolutely will not fail.

You better know it! "Do or don't do, there is no try"-Yoda; George Lucus [Starwars]

It was a good day

Today was not too shabby actually. I didn't even mind today's sermon, mostly because the pastor picked on men who try and treat their wives badly and still expect them to cook and clean- Go women-empowerment! I also got to sing in the choir today which was quite nice...holding the mic, watching everyone enjoy our singing...being asked to do solos... *sigh* I'm finally feeling better about singing in front of people. I guess singing on Grad day helped, but I don't think that I actually did that good of a job [please don't post comments in agreement with this, I already know how bad I did]. I watched some figure skating, but I was really disappointed that Sasha Cohen forfeited because of an injury! That's just heinous and unfair! She totally deserved to win. Her stupid ankles and their brittleness!
Not too much else happened today...I sold some of my coupon books for my dance fundraiser, if anyone is interested...
Oh- and I spent 4hrs of my life in my dad's class room helping my brother finish his homework. [My brother's homework took an hour and half, maybe less, the rest of the time I just sat around being bored until I finally decided to practice my dance technique- for this however, I was yelled at because the 'tapping' of my rubber sneakers against the floor was obviously devastatingly loud]
Well, that's all folks- until next time, I bide thee adieu *tips imaginary black hat*
"Even though I hate this place, it still feels like home"~ The Brother
"I wasn't crying...I was just sweating through my eyeballs" ~Percy Jones-Bernie Mac [Guess Who]

The Funny Things That Were Said

At the Library:

Me: "Look, it's Harry, Ron and Weasley!"
The Brother:[lol]"Don't you mean it's Harry, Ron and Hermionie?"

The Brother:[comes to the window and starts talking to me with crumbs all over his face; he gestures towards mom sleeping] "One time I almost got a picture of mom in her sleep, but unfortunately the flash woke her up"
[we exchange smiles]
Me: "He comes to her window and grins at her. He tells her stories about incrimidating photos that he may or may not have taken of their mother. She can't help but smile back at the maturity of his speech while there're crumbs all over his face from the dinner he just had; crumbs that give away his youth. That's my 11-yr-old brother"
The Brother:"Wow! You should become a writer!"
Me:"That's what I thought too..."
The Brother:"That was actually like a poem..."
Signing off, until next time folks!

Cell Phones and Libraries ...

After my last post yesterday I went to the library with my mom and my little brother. It was actually loads of fun to escape the presence the house for a little while. Unlike most library-outings, I didn't scope out the guys there. Instead I buried my nose in a Harry Potter book. But, anyways, that's not the best part about hanging out at the library yesterday; the best part was when the lady-sitting-next-to-my-mom's cellphone rang, and rang rather loudly at that. It was really amusing because the librarian who hates my mom and I was really getting upset with the ringing of the lsntmm's cellphone-lol. It was soo hilarious watching her glare at the woman who couldn't seem to be bothered and took her time unzipping her purse and answering her cellphone. It was absolutely priceless!-lol. 
And so the day wore on. My brother and I missed 'The WB Harry Potter Special' because we were helping our dad clean his class room*sigh*. I took a nap, and then I watched 'Hitch', which was as MC said-"meh", and thereafter, 'Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen' which is thee most stupid movie that anyone could watch this century. Blow me down if something worse comes along. I went to bed pretty much after that...I ate dinner before I went to bed of course, but I don't remember anything else of interest happening on that day....
So this morning as we were going to church, and as per usual, church was long and boring! I can't tell you how boring it was. It was just long and I almost fell asleep and I had ten hrs of sleep the night before! The day got worse when we found out that we missed the harvest festival and my brother missed out on getting his Halloween Candy from the church (which we contributed $5.00 to by the way!). It really sucked for him, I hope that tomorrow night we go trick-or-treating...oh well, there's always next year right?
Stay tuned for sneak peaks from my next blog entry..."...you pick the right [woman] to build a foxhole with, then keep your dick in your pants everywhere else"~Dan Foreman; Dennis Quaid [In Good Company]

Woe is Me!

The reconciliation was between my mom and I. She explained to me [as she has done so many other times before] that she is off her medication and will be exceedingly irritable until her body adapts. I know that this was an apology, but I also realized that, for the first time, she didn't comment on the fact that my stress may be the leading cause of our aggressive-verbal showdowns. I guess when it's not pointed out to you, it's the only thing that you think about. I vowed from that day forth to have patience with my mom and try to understand where she's coming from. Really she's had such a hard life...living in a village and being constantly beaten for being opinionated, to being verbally oppressed by my father. And it must be really hard for her to not be able to do all the things that she used to do without feeling tired or weak. None of us have stopped expecting as much from her, but she can't really do everything she used to, or at least she'll try but it's not as easy and I know that now. I think the reason that I was so upset and angry was because I was hungry, cold and alone. I was hungry not only for food, but for my growing desire to get into university. I was physically cold, but also inwardly frosty because of the predicament that we were in. And I feel alone because my sister is not here, ....I'm glad that I really thought all this over last night. I thought of IB. It was the worst decision that I made. I was unsuited for IB and in the end I thought that I was very stupid instead of feeling intelligent for completing and passing my courses. People were exceedingly competitive, so much so that they thought that you were stupid if you couldn't keep up. And I guess I believed them and that's why I didn't study as hard as I used to, or should have, to get the best possible marks that I could have gotten, instead of just barely making 80%. I think that I really let my emotions get the better of me, but not this year. In uni, I'm going to do well. I just know it. I'm not surrounded by people who don't think that I knew anything. I have a chance to start anew and make a different impression on my professors. I know that I can do it, I just have to get in to prove it*sigh*. I gotta keep up the faith though- I will get in, and I will make it!

...Speaking of making it, I'm really nervous about my audition this coming Saturday. My mom wants me to look great, but that's the least of my worries. I'm scared that I won't make it, or I'll be a laughing stalk.*shudders* I keep getting nervous and then excited. There's no in-between emotion where I'm just okay with the progression of the situation. I'll do fine, I just gotta be myself and don't let anything through me off....speaking of my audition, before I left Canada MC and Ray saw my acting resume-AHH! what must they be thinking? "What's Hope doing considering acting? I thought that she was academic, not a floosey!". Oh well, their not here now, and they don't dictate where my life is going to go, only God does...by the way God? Can you give my family a break please?! We've been poor for all 18 years of my life, may be with the exception of Newfoundland, but even then, other people were well off compared to us. Help us out Lord- we do work hard, and my little bro's a really smart guy who will go far with his stories if he can get enough financial support *sigh*...Please?
..Well You know how I do
"Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it's the moments that take your breath away"~Alexander Hitchens; Will Smith [Hitch]