Life is but a Dream

It's strange to have to revisit your past experiences through the things your friends are going through. When I was younger, my sister passed way. My family is still recovering and it was over 12 years ago. My friends sister passed away this week ... not only did a feel the sorrow of her loss, I felt like I was going to relive all those moments again through her experience. It cut me deep. I never got to meet my friend's sister, and I was about to. I miss my sister so terribly and all those emotions came back up. I hope that I am a good friend to her in this sad time... I want to be the comfort for her that I never got... and just be there for her. People often times are not respectful of other's space at this time. I just want to make sure that everyone knows that we will be there for them. I do know one thing that has kept me going through it all. Just the belief that I am going to make it. And that my sister would have wanted me to happy. I don't know how to make this a less serious post but it's just been on my heart this day and I needed to get it out there. I hope this encouraged someone who's going through a death to know that they are not alone and that the person  who died wouldn't want them to feel sad, but only to remember all the goodness of the life that they once lived.

Texting

I just realized that I'm an avid "texter"... I'm going to challenge myself for the whole of next week not to text and actually start communicating to all people at the very least over the phone... it's getting strange nowadays. We don't talk to people and we don't communicate as much as we used to do even though we currently have the easiest and most accessible means of communication in 2013. 
I have had a few conversations with some of my friends about this modern day phenomenon ... And it has always baffled us. When I was in high school, none of us had cells phones and in grade 12, only me and another guy in our clique had cells, and this was closer to the point of graduation for us. Now, 8-year-olds have cell phones for "safety" purposes, as their parents would claim. While I am grateful with the applications that are on my iPhone that assist me with my serious directionally-challenged-ness, I miss the personal closeness of human connections and actually seeing someone's expressions and not just limiting them to an Emojicon... 
The instance that really got me thinking about this was the time when I was taking the bus and 3 friends about middle school age, were sitting next to each other texting other people. It was as if, they would tell their parents that they were "hanging out", and what that really meant was they were sitting next to each other, texting other people that were not on the bus, and then when they got home, they would text each other about what the other people they were texting said or did?? It just made me feel like they missed out on something. 
I am mostly curious to see what will happen with the digital generation. I am going to really try and just limit my use of technology for the next week... I wonder how productive that will make me....

Only Way is UP

I was feeling down today and I just was wondering why everything seemed to be going wrong. I just want all my things to be perfect and competitive. I am so behind in everything right now and I can't do any of my work at home. I have to do it here at work because I don't have cable/internet yet. 
It has been a long time coming to let go of all my discouragements. I can only go up from here. I have t make the choice to let go of all my fears of failure because I only loose if I stop going forward. I do not need any support from any person. I need to start looking within for the resources and start relying more heavily on my spirit. I have to stop slacking and make sure that I use every moment wisely. This is my year to make it happen. Time is just slipping away and I have today. And all I have is today to get everything done. It doesn't matter how much I fight with the computer and how long the formatting takes. I have to work to make it happen and be consistent with that work. 
I am so glad that I am out here on my own... I think this whole experience will truly make me stronger and stronger by the day. 
I chose now to look up or forward. Never down, nor backwards.
"What's the worst that could happen if you kept going and don't reach your goal?' ~ Tiny Buddah

New Beginnings

It was such a busy day today... in fact it was such a busy week. I am really behind on the updates on my website and I am not sure if I have everything ready to move in, but I am all packed and ready to go and I am so certain with all my heart that my dreams will come true and everything that I ever wished for or hoped for is around the corner. 
It's a great feeling to have. I am so focused. I am not distracted by what's around me, and I am not living my life to please anyone. I am keeping up with my moral standards and going hard for the dream of a life time. I love how life has brought the right people into my life at the right times. These people have encouraged me and cultivated a strength in my perceptions of the world and allowed me to have faith that love exists in this universe and it is a powerful force. 
From these two specific individuals, I received two amazing quotes that helped set the tone for what I am doing now.  The first quote was "The expert in anything was once a beginner."~ Unknown. I realized that taking on a field that I know very little about is going to be a lot of work, but the beautiful thing about this field is that, I am highly interested in it and I am certain that it will take me far and allow me to interact more with people and learn from them. The second quote was "If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal not people, and not objects." ~ Albert Einstein. This encouraged me because it is where I am going and I am actually putting it into practice. I used to drop everything for the people around me and tried my best to help everyone out as much as possible, or be where they needed me to be, or dote on the with all I have. But recently I took specific people out of the equation and I am focused on the goal, and how the goal will give back to the world and community at large and not just a small group of individuals. Now that I am focused on the goal and what I need to do to achieve it.
I initially thought of writing a huge page long blog about what is going on, and the many triumphs of today, but I'll save that for the end of this month when I have reached the overall goal.... This is so exciting...

New Years Eve 2012... I welcome you 2013

I am so encouraged and excited about what is to come in the New Year!! This year has taught me a lot about what I can do and how powerful my thoughts and spirit is. I am excited about the year will bring...
The day started off with packing and getting ready for my move. In a twist of fate, I realized that I didn't have packing paper =/... (off to the store I go...). This may seem like something easy to forget for most but I've been moving every few years since I was born so forgetting packing paper is like forgetting your roots... 
But alas... it did happen. So off to Home Depot I went at the crack of dawn like some kind of rooster. 
So after this excursion to Home Depot, I finally had everything I needed to pack my life and ship it to L.A. ... I can't believe I am finally doing it big and moving to a big city... It is nerve wracking for a small town girl that has always relied on her family to fully relying on herself... creating a completely new life. I can't wait to see how it all turns out. 
This new years I am going to make sure that I leave behind all my regrets in life and remain focused on all that life has in store for me. At this young age I just want to finally life a joyful and fulfilled life. 
I have often thought to myself that tough beginnings.
Several exciting things happened today. 
Today I finally incorporated my business. 
Today I am filled with gratitude for the New Year.
Today I didn't get saddened by the loss of my Sister, but I am finally at peace with it.
Today I am truly Alive.

Finding My Purpose

It was during my senior year of high school that I realized that, unlike most of my peers, I did not even have an inclination of what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. As the year progressed, I grew more and more distraught about my prospects in university, as I did not want to make the wrong choices. I decided that I will choose a career based on the subjects that I achieved the best grades in. This plan made me so ecstatic because I felt like I had found an ultimate solution to what I thought, at the time, was a major problem. By the middle of the second semester, the flaws of my “plan” became imminent because I had managed to achieve my highest GPA’s in both Mathematics and Western World History. There were very few fields that I could visualize incorporating both Mathematics and Western World History. At this time in my high school career I was no longer distraught. I was panicking.

“What was wrong with me?” I would ask. “Aren’t I supposed to know what I want to be by now?” The constant uneasiness I felt whenever I thought about not knowing what I want to do with the rest of my life was heightened by guidance counselors constantly coming to our class rooms and passing out “helpful” literature on the process of getting into university. The main focus of the guidance counselors were our GPA’s or our athletic abilities. None of this advice helped me because I had already tried using my GPA to determine what would be the best sector for me to set goals for, and I had never taken the time to master a sport during high school so I could not even hope to attend university on the basis of being an athlete.

This continued to frustrate me to a point were I was having difficulty sleeping at night. It was not until February 2, 2005 while I was sitting on my bed doing a calculus problem that I heard a radio advertisement for an open call for aspiring models and actors. At first I ignored the advert and continued the mind numbing calculus problem because I felt that acting and modeling were never careers that I have aspired to. However, after I had successfully completed the math lying on my lap, it occurred to me that I really did not enjoy doing it. I quickly dashed to my back pack and searched for a pen to hurriedly scribble down any information about the location and the time the open call would be held. The next day my mother and I set out in a beat-up old Ford (nicknamed the Limousine) to an open call that completely changed the direction of my life.

I had never thought of becoming an actress or a model until that time, but I knew that I need to drastically change my approach to finding my future career in order to make the right decisions about the courses that I would take in university. Because of the open call I recognized that I loved acting. This is not to say that I was actually considering becoming an actress, but I finally started asking myself a new question “What do I love doing?” Just because I am capable of doing algebra or writing a historical essay does not mean that I love doing either. This epiphany made me aware that I could not attend university and pay ghastly tuition fees until I figured out what it is I intend to do with the rest of my life. So instead of hastily going to university, I took the year to determine what I would enjoy doing for the rest of my life, whilst continuing to pursue acting part time.

After months of compiling various lists of pros and cons of each possible career field that I may be interested in, it all came together nearing the end of my academic hiatus. I realized that I love giving people advice and helping them to the best of my ability, so naturally I should become a Psychologist (... and then later an Accountant by day and Beauty Consultant by night...). I had not only found my career path, I had found my career "start". I felt tremendously at ease with what the future would hold, because I was no longer searching for what I was meant to do, all that was left for me was to do it.

To this day, I reflect on that open call, and I am really grateful that I took that chance and stepped outside of academically inclined career path to realize out my purpose in life. And that was to Live It.

Alias/Gilmore Girls/OC

I was really disappointed the the season premier of ALIAS. I thought that the episode contained a lot of drama that was not portrayed well by the characters. I really hoped for better from Mrs. Garner Affleck. I won't tell you what happened in case you are a fan and don't want me to wreck it for you. I really wish that I could have watched the fourth season to see what the hell is going on.
Likewise, I'm also upset with Gilmore Girls. The drama didn't disappoint me. They just never expressed the time lapse very well. I finally get where they are, but they should have made it clearer that two months had gone by in between the first two shows.
I've never like the OC and the second episode that I watched confirmed my dislike. I decided that I will watch the season premier. It really sucked- Mishca Baron can't act and the portrayal of bimbonic Cali students is over done. The only reason to watch the OC is for the eye candy and that's it, otherwise the drama is fake and the leading lady can't act well.
I am liking the new show Reunion and Related. Everyone should check those out if they have a spare moment.
Other than that, there's nothing more to say except, have a great day!!