Only Way is UP

I was feeling down today and I just was wondering why everything seemed to be going wrong. I just want all my things to be perfect and competitive. I am so behind in everything right now and I can't do any of my work at home. I have to do it here at work because I don't have cable/internet yet. 
It has been a long time coming to let go of all my discouragements. I can only go up from here. I have t make the choice to let go of all my fears of failure because I only loose if I stop going forward. I do not need any support from any person. I need to start looking within for the resources and start relying more heavily on my spirit. I have to stop slacking and make sure that I use every moment wisely. This is my year to make it happen. Time is just slipping away and I have today. And all I have is today to get everything done. It doesn't matter how much I fight with the computer and how long the formatting takes. I have to work to make it happen and be consistent with that work. 
I am so glad that I am out here on my own... I think this whole experience will truly make me stronger and stronger by the day. 
I chose now to look up or forward. Never down, nor backwards.
"What's the worst that could happen if you kept going and don't reach your goal?' ~ Tiny Buddah

New Beginnings

It was such a busy day today... in fact it was such a busy week. I am really behind on the updates on my website and I am not sure if I have everything ready to move in, but I am all packed and ready to go and I am so certain with all my heart that my dreams will come true and everything that I ever wished for or hoped for is around the corner. 
It's a great feeling to have. I am so focused. I am not distracted by what's around me, and I am not living my life to please anyone. I am keeping up with my moral standards and going hard for the dream of a life time. I love how life has brought the right people into my life at the right times. These people have encouraged me and cultivated a strength in my perceptions of the world and allowed me to have faith that love exists in this universe and it is a powerful force. 
From these two specific individuals, I received two amazing quotes that helped set the tone for what I am doing now.  The first quote was "The expert in anything was once a beginner."~ Unknown. I realized that taking on a field that I know very little about is going to be a lot of work, but the beautiful thing about this field is that, I am highly interested in it and I am certain that it will take me far and allow me to interact more with people and learn from them. The second quote was "If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal not people, and not objects." ~ Albert Einstein. This encouraged me because it is where I am going and I am actually putting it into practice. I used to drop everything for the people around me and tried my best to help everyone out as much as possible, or be where they needed me to be, or dote on the with all I have. But recently I took specific people out of the equation and I am focused on the goal, and how the goal will give back to the world and community at large and not just a small group of individuals. Now that I am focused on the goal and what I need to do to achieve it.
I initially thought of writing a huge page long blog about what is going on, and the many triumphs of today, but I'll save that for the end of this month when I have reached the overall goal.... This is so exciting...

New Years Eve 2012... I welcome you 2013

I am so encouraged and excited about what is to come in the New Year!! This year has taught me a lot about what I can do and how powerful my thoughts and spirit is. I am excited about the year will bring...
The day started off with packing and getting ready for my move. In a twist of fate, I realized that I didn't have packing paper =/... (off to the store I go...). This may seem like something easy to forget for most but I've been moving every few years since I was born so forgetting packing paper is like forgetting your roots... 
But alas... it did happen. So off to Home Depot I went at the crack of dawn like some kind of rooster. 
So after this excursion to Home Depot, I finally had everything I needed to pack my life and ship it to L.A. ... I can't believe I am finally doing it big and moving to a big city... It is nerve wracking for a small town girl that has always relied on her family to fully relying on herself... creating a completely new life. I can't wait to see how it all turns out. 
This new years I am going to make sure that I leave behind all my regrets in life and remain focused on all that life has in store for me. At this young age I just want to finally life a joyful and fulfilled life. 
I have often thought to myself that tough beginnings.
Several exciting things happened today. 
Today I finally incorporated my business. 
Today I am filled with gratitude for the New Year.
Today I didn't get saddened by the loss of my Sister, but I am finally at peace with it.
Today I am truly Alive.

Finding My Purpose

It was during my senior year of high school that I realized that, unlike most of my peers, I did not even have an inclination of what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. As the year progressed, I grew more and more distraught about my prospects in university, as I did not want to make the wrong choices. I decided that I will choose a career based on the subjects that I achieved the best grades in. This plan made me so ecstatic because I felt like I had found an ultimate solution to what I thought, at the time, was a major problem. By the middle of the second semester, the flaws of my “plan” became imminent because I had managed to achieve my highest GPA’s in both Mathematics and Western World History. There were very few fields that I could visualize incorporating both Mathematics and Western World History. At this time in my high school career I was no longer distraught. I was panicking.

“What was wrong with me?” I would ask. “Aren’t I supposed to know what I want to be by now?” The constant uneasiness I felt whenever I thought about not knowing what I want to do with the rest of my life was heightened by guidance counselors constantly coming to our class rooms and passing out “helpful” literature on the process of getting into university. The main focus of the guidance counselors were our GPA’s or our athletic abilities. None of this advice helped me because I had already tried using my GPA to determine what would be the best sector for me to set goals for, and I had never taken the time to master a sport during high school so I could not even hope to attend university on the basis of being an athlete.

This continued to frustrate me to a point were I was having difficulty sleeping at night. It was not until February 2, 2005 while I was sitting on my bed doing a calculus problem that I heard a radio advertisement for an open call for aspiring models and actors. At first I ignored the advert and continued the mind numbing calculus problem because I felt that acting and modeling were never careers that I have aspired to. However, after I had successfully completed the math lying on my lap, it occurred to me that I really did not enjoy doing it. I quickly dashed to my back pack and searched for a pen to hurriedly scribble down any information about the location and the time the open call would be held. The next day my mother and I set out in a beat-up old Ford (nicknamed the Limousine) to an open call that completely changed the direction of my life.

I had never thought of becoming an actress or a model until that time, but I knew that I need to drastically change my approach to finding my future career in order to make the right decisions about the courses that I would take in university. Because of the open call I recognized that I loved acting. This is not to say that I was actually considering becoming an actress, but I finally started asking myself a new question “What do I love doing?” Just because I am capable of doing algebra or writing a historical essay does not mean that I love doing either. This epiphany made me aware that I could not attend university and pay ghastly tuition fees until I figured out what it is I intend to do with the rest of my life. So instead of hastily going to university, I took the year to determine what I would enjoy doing for the rest of my life, whilst continuing to pursue acting part time.

After months of compiling various lists of pros and cons of each possible career field that I may be interested in, it all came together nearing the end of my academic hiatus. I realized that I love giving people advice and helping them to the best of my ability, so naturally I should become a Psychologist (... and then later an Accountant by day and Beauty Consultant by night...). I had not only found my career path, I had found my career "start". I felt tremendously at ease with what the future would hold, because I was no longer searching for what I was meant to do, all that was left for me was to do it.

To this day, I reflect on that open call, and I am really grateful that I took that chance and stepped outside of academically inclined career path to realize out my purpose in life. And that was to Live It.

Alias/Gilmore Girls/OC

I was really disappointed the the season premier of ALIAS. I thought that the episode contained a lot of drama that was not portrayed well by the characters. I really hoped for better from Mrs. Garner Affleck. I won't tell you what happened in case you are a fan and don't want me to wreck it for you. I really wish that I could have watched the fourth season to see what the hell is going on.
Likewise, I'm also upset with Gilmore Girls. The drama didn't disappoint me. They just never expressed the time lapse very well. I finally get where they are, but they should have made it clearer that two months had gone by in between the first two shows.
I've never like the OC and the second episode that I watched confirmed my dislike. I decided that I will watch the season premier. It really sucked- Mishca Baron can't act and the portrayal of bimbonic Cali students is over done. The only reason to watch the OC is for the eye candy and that's it, otherwise the drama is fake and the leading lady can't act well.
I am liking the new show Reunion and Related. Everyone should check those out if they have a spare moment.
Other than that, there's nothing more to say except, have a great day!!

Post Office Disaster

I dashed into the Post office, in a terrible hurry to mail my letters, and then I pause. I pause in shock of the 100 Ft line in front of me. There were hundreds, nay millions, of people lined up in a queue, trying to get the postage stuff out of their way [Well, there weren't really that many people, but the line was frickin' long]. I took my place at the back of the disgustingly long queue, and then with a defeated sigh, I proceeded to wait until I reached the front desk. To ease my boredom, I began practicing some of my tap-dancing steps, but quickly stopped when my follow patrons gave me awkward glances. And so I waited. Post masters came and went, but I was still in line. As the line moved forward painfully slow, I noticed one of the reasons for my hold up. Some buffoon decided that he was going to mail off 6 boxes [that's right, boxes!] filled to the brim with letters and packages. He had like 700 hundred packages and letters- stupid idiot. If you're going to do something like that, then you should come earlier in the morning when the post office is not in 'rush hour'. Some of the post masters didn't even get to go for a break. I saw one of them trying to wolf down his lunch well opening another window at the front desk. Behold! The line moved! And then there were only 3 people standing b/t me and the front desk. Anxiously I waited. But no, the lady directly before my had a humongous package that had to be weighed at different angles and then all the measurements had to be tallied- yada, yada, yada. At last she was done and I came up next only to realize that one of my bloody envelopes had the wrong stamp and I had to wait 10 mins for the one of the post masters to find the right ones. "Crap, Crap, Crap! "was all that went through my head. Finally she came back, and with my letters mailed off, I was free! Free to once again walk outside away from the confines of that terrible line! I was free! Free and euphoric with the knowledge that I had mailed the letters to the agents and my I will soon have my SSN.  
Tune in next week when I rambles randomly about everything and nothing....

It is Right to Write

I don't know where I came up with that- 'it is right to write'. I think that I heard it somewhere because I sure as hell don't think that I made that one up-lol. Anyhoo, last night when I was feeling rather sorry for myself, I realized that I don't have the right to feel sorry for myself. I don't need sympathy, I need to get my ass in gear and make my goals become a reality. It is not written any where that I have to have the 'perfect' family. There is no such thing as the 'perfect' family. I just need to make myself the best person that I can be and nothing matters after that. I felt good with that. I woke up, ate breakfast, and now I'm going to get started on sorting out my bank info myself; no more relying on other people. As much as possible it's time that I make myself the independent person that I want to be. I don't care what other people have done to me, I will not stumble and I absolutely will not fail.

You better know it! "Do or don't do, there is no try"-Yoda; George Lucus [Starwars]